To hell with trying to write a sci-fi novel.

<Alt Title>: Not as easy as you think...or as easy as I thought. Shit.

Verdant by Gilosan Watanabe

My first serious attempt at writing a novel was VERDANT.  This was to be a sprawling space opera based on a planet in some distant future galaxy.  The whole planet was a thick jungle tropic zone teeming with strange beings (An entire week was spent just on the morphology of these things*. The predominant life forms evolved from what could be referred to as amphibians... or reptiles (honestly couldn’t decide which- my feeling was… whichever looked better on the cover).

The Lesser Balfarin Ccyx, side note: the Greater Balfarin Ccyx is a total DICK!

The Lesser Balfarin Ccyx,
side note: the Greater Balfarin Ccyx is a total DICK!

VERDANT would be the main stage in a epic drama of several other neighboring and similar planets, each with their own intelligent evolved creatures. Mostly humanoid all tied to each other by the need for a rare material found only on the main planet. Story, which would closely follow the subtle interplay of several ruling social factions, would highlight the struggle or power and control over all these planets.

The many groups would bring with them a litany of sub-factions, religions and disciplines, which would enrobe the characters highlighted.  From merchant classes and royalty to religious groups and dissidents. Each would bring their own unique take on the desire for themselves or their group to be the dominant force within this cluster of worlds.

Pages upon pages were drafted, from subtle dialogue interplays that foreshadowed more important events on the horizon and large scale battles for control of specific key interests.

Characters were laboriously and carefully crafted, each caring a carefully cultivated pedigree and backstory as well as a motivation.  They would jostle and interact with each other in order to progress their individual desires. Relationships were built, battered and betrayed.

This would be my magnum opus, a story which would continuously unfold and evolve. To be eventually wrestled into media submission in the form of printed novels, action figures and finally culminate into hour long episodic masterpieces to be distributed by HBO(or at the very least AMC…honestly whomever would pay for my Ferrari). Well that was the dream.

Then I watched DUNE again for the 100th time.

You Hack!

You Hack!

Fuck…it’s basically just DUNE only instead of a vast desert, I placed these things in a goddamn swamp. Nice, my subconscious is a fucking retard. Oh, and instead of the SPICE which they were all fighting over, it was some viscous green algae …GRIS which powered everything and was valuable as hell.

Contrived plot vehicle

Contrived plot vehicle

Damn, I hate when I do that. Honestly though, there is just too much shit out there not to be influenced in some for or another - I mean what am I supposed to do READ EVERYTHING? Man, fuck that!  Let some OTHER asshole rack their brains trying to make some expansive universe.

I am DONE, if I ever decide to write a sci-fi novel, I’ll just get it vetted by a heavy hitting team of cosplay geeks who troll the Syfy channel fanboards.  Should be easy, just got to get them laid, or perhaps drug them…or both? Whatever, its been done... Artemis Fowl is basically Richie Rich...that dude is laughing all the way to the bank.

Just gonna chalk it up to another failed attempt at literary greatness...oh and don’t get me started on my space smuggler concept - Jupiter Thunderballs.